INVITATIONS AND ME

People often get angry with me because I don't honor their invitations. I want to explain one reason behind my behavior.

When it comes to invitations, I have two principles and I am trying so hard to stick to it : 1-Never accept an invitation that will require spending money when I have no money and 2-never order something that my money cannot buy. I must have at least  in my pocket my transportation fees and the price of the food I eat.

Some guys  invite girls to eat and then  run away without paying. Others  ask you to come with a taxi, promising to pay. But, you cannot find them at the place of the appointement. I've heard so many embarrassing situations on the subject.

 A friend had been invited by a well known DJ. We were still in secondary school. He was not as famous as he is today. She had very little money and she wasted it on phone calls (because he was late) and drinks (she was thirsty while waiting). When he finally came, he did not pay for her drinks and for the calls.  Worse, he said he had an urgent appointment. They took a cab and once he arrived at his destination, he paid the exact amount appearing on the counter at that moment.  (750 or 950 F CFA , I don't remember). She had no money. She went to a friend's house to borrow money. The friend was absent. She had to explain everything to her friend's mother. All this embarrassement could have been avoided. 

Another acquaintance was invited to the beach by a suitor. When they ordered, he received a phone call. He had to make a quick run to Abidjan, but he promised to come back soon. He left 20 000 CFA francs to the girl. She was sitting at the table and ate well. It was getting late. No news of the guy. Phone closed. She decided to ask for the bill: 20 000 FCFA. She had nothing to go home. Can you imagine ? Alone, at night, in Bassam. I'll spare you more details. Thank God, she is still there to tell this story. 

When I finally explain why I didn't accept their invitation, some people are offended. 

"You do not trust me ! I thought we were friends" 

"When I invite a woman I take care of everything. What is this misplaced feminism?"

Gentlemen, it is not a problem of trust or feminism. I just do not want to get to wash dishes in a restaurant. I refuse to have to beg for money on the street. 

"Excuse me, I came to see a friend who told me he was going to pay my transportation to go home, but he is not there and his phone is closed. I need 500 CFA. Please. " God forbid.

It can be done in order to do harm or not (something unexpected can happen), but the result is the same: shame, humiliation. One word is enough for the wise.

 Photos: atoo.ci

MY BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

My birthday is approaching fast. It’s the 10th of this month. Last year at this same period, we were struggling with more important questions like: “are we going to live until next day?”. "Will Ado and Gbagbo let us have peace in our own country ?"

Gun noises were everywhere. Death was at the corner of each road, waiting patiently to great us, sometimes, bursting into homes,  through lost bullets. By God’s grace, here am I today. Here are we all, if we are able to read this. And I guess we are grateful to still be alive. 

During the war I learned so many things. I learned the simple life. That was the greatest gift I received. We don’t really need most of the things we are fighting to possess. I’m not saying one should stay in poverty or make a vow of austerity, if he has sufficient resources to live in opulence. I'm just declaring that we don’t really need it to be happy, purely and truly. In fact we must learn to be happy without it and confortable with it.

All the people who met me after the crisis see me as a natural woman. Natural because, I don’t use artificial hairs and I don’t put make up on my face (except for pictures), nailpolish, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake whatever... Most of the time I don’t wear jewels. And even my clothes are simple. I am at ease in a jeans and a top. I'm not quiet sure I know how to suffer gracefully on high heels. 

Some people are happy with it.  Others are saying I should pay more attention to my appearance and be like other young girls of 23 going on 24.

Both group are wrong. I learned not to feel bad or ugly just because I don’t have all those things on me. I learned that being simple, is being me, as looking sophisticated is too. The most important, the most valuable treasure I should cherish and develop is not my appearance but what lies under the clothes, the flesh, the bones, the blood,…it’s me. The spirit living in me. My brains, my personality, my soul, all those things invisible, untouchable, so deep that I am not able myself to understand the depth of it. 

During the crisis I learned that I should value life. I should waste less and focus more on important thing. I discovered that only two spoons of sugar is sufficient in my coffee instead of the five or six I used to put in he cup. I realized that fish was delicious in a stew, even if there is no meat. I used to be a meat lover. It does not matter anymore.

So to come back to my birthday wishlist, I want first, things which will help me to learn, elevate my soul and my spirit to another level like an Ipad lol.  I'll be glad to receive jewels, watches, shoes, bags, clothes, perfume, and all those girly girly things. I like them, I need them. But it will be my greatest joy, recieving books.

-Books about spirituality. I'm a christian so, don't buy me books on other religions for the moment. I'm still trying to understand my faith, and then, I will have sufficient tools and maturity to understand other people faith, that's my point of view. No offense. Books about relationship, business and advertising.

Please don't you all buy the same books oh ! Talking about books there are some african authors I'm eager to read:  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Alain Mabanckou, Serge Bilé, Chinua Achebe (Arrow of God), Calixthe Beyala...

-Laugh or not but I want to learn how to sew. I like to make my own clothes. If only I can have the opportunity to get the training in a school, few hours, each week-end, I'll be really really happy. A book showing how to sew won't be bad.

-I want to improve my german. Let's be honest. I want to learn it all over again. I really like the language and even if you can find all the information you need on internet, I would like to have a scholarchip to learn at Goethe Institut.

Apart from it, I would appreciate DVD of Adams Apples by the Ghanaian Shirley Frimpong Manso. I only have the chapter one and the chapter two of the series. I also search "The figurine", by Kunle Afolayan and some others I don't even know if it has already been put in DVD.lol.

Some people asked me what I want for my bithday. Even if the article is a little answer, I think as I  told them that they should act according to their heart. A gift is a gift. A "happy B day", a call, a prayer, are gifts too, valuable gifts. If you don't forget the date, it's sufficient.

FIVE SENSES FOR CÔTE D'IVOIRE

See, how the spark's little kiss,
make the straw blush, catch a fire.

Listen, how short music notes and
rythm father perfect bliss.

Smell, how the hint of many scents,
exhale a unique fragrance.

Touch, how every single bump and depth,
become a beautiful masterpiece pottery.

Taste, how a pinch of love,
increase the sweetness of a hug.

Let's smell the unique fragrance exhaling of the sweetness of our hug.
Let's listen to the rythm of the sparks kissing the straw.
Let's say our resemblances are beautiful, but it's by our differences that we are masterpieces.
We are all unique, that's why we are similar...


 Yehni Djidji...

MISS INTERPRETER: HOW GOD WORKS !

I used to answer : “No” or “just a little bit” each time someone would ask me If I speak English very well. Although my classmates and teachers agreed that my level was beyond the average, I was always ashamed to say a big “yes”. My big obstacle was that an important part of my english education was done through Nigerian and Ghanaian movies. Few actors were speaking as well as my mother wanted me to speak, but she thought it was a good way to begin. She corrected my “ladda” to “ladder” and my “broda” to “brother”…Unfortunately, I’m still convinced that I have the naija accent in my mouth. When I try to speak with the british accent I feel so fake. Lol! 

So when I was in my third year of Junior secondary school we were introduced to African movies. I loved them, and I’m still loving them. At first I did not notice that those films had a hand in my way of speaking English. I always answered to those admiring my ability: "my mother is an English teacher". As if there was any relation between the two facts. As if a child had automatically his parents' skills. I stopped giving this kind of answer the day I met a young lady whose mother was an English teacher too, but who couldn’t speak English to save her life. I realized that it was my own will and passion for this language that makes me spend an entire week-end watching the same movie three or six times with different people. 

The fact is when I like something, I want people around me to like it too. When I find an interesting movie, I want the others to see it. I want to see them laugh and cry or shout like I did when I was watching it alone. It was my greatest joy to come with a new movie and see the whole family gathered around TV and let me translate it in French…even if most members of the family understood English. I used to say it was for the housemaid to understand, or for the cousin spending a few days at home, or for…

My mother was happy because she used to be the one translating years ago, when I was complaining that I was not able to understand, to recognize any word, any familiar sound. Now I’m even translating some pidgin parts she doesn’t understand. 

More than 10 years later, I’m translating the preaching at church. I know now that everything is happening in somebody's life for a purpose! I guess God was preparing me to serve him that way. Each Sunday is a new challenge. General English and biblical one are not the same. In a usual conversation you do not speak about good seeds and tithes and crucifixion…But once again, I have watched so much movies about churches, I always find the right word or it’s synonym . One day I used “chief of soldier” because I did not know at this moment the word “centurion”. I said “rising from death” because I was not too sure that “ resurrection” was English or French only. Another time it was “weeds” I called “bad grass”. People are congratulating me. They say what I’m doing is not easy.

There is a difference between speaking a language, understanding it, and being able to translate second after second what somebody is saying. It’s god grace. It’s god showing that he is powerful. 

I make mistakes! Sometimes it’s like words are slipping out of my mind. A little distraction and I’m a bit confused. But I’m grateful for this opportunity, this experience. Nothing happens in somebody’s life haphazardly. From translating movies in my home to doing it in front of church’s members. Who could have imagine that ? To God be the glory!

picture: http://www.monstersandcritics.com

ABOUT VULGARITY IN REAL AND VIRTUAL LIFE

I am not very used to insults ! "You are wicked! You are ugly, you are a fool" is the worse I can say and sometimes I'm even joking when I say it. 

I mean because somebody hurts your body or your feelings, starting to insult this person from is grand father to his not yet born children, from is hair, to his toes, is so unbelievable for me. Maybe that's the way I was educated! Or maybe that's just the way I was made! Because many people out there have received a good education from their parents but still have a "dirty" mouth.

I used to think that people misbehaving were orphans, without any one to guide them or anyone who could be affected by their acts. Because how on earth can your parent be alive and you are talking like this ? 

The most  amazing is that some people, who are not vulgar in the real life, start it on the web. I mean what kind of image do you want people to have of you? What message do you want to share ?That's the same for pictures people are posting.

Behind a laptop, they are almighty ! They can do everything, say everything, write everything.  Whether in real life or in the virtual word, I do think there is a limit, a limit one should not cross. They are rules, moral barriers you must not trespass. I even wanted to write some of those words here, to show you, but I can't even do it ! 

Maybe I'll try to capture some of it when I will do the french version ! If I do one. Cause even translated it is difficult for me! 

Maybe I'm suffering of a kind of sickness that white men have already or will identify as "too much modesty" or "lack of vulgarity". But I think I'd rather be like this than spitting rude words at each sentence.

I always say it to my friends ! I cannot have a deep friendship with vulgar people ! Their words are hurting my ears and making me wonder about their childhood !

I try to say as much as I can to people like this that they must change, watch out their language, at least when they are with me. Unfortunately, as some of them find it difficult to bear a conversation without those words, they can see our relationship fading and disappearing! So sad!

So sad because sometimes they are good persons ! One should not judge others only because they speak like this, or dress like that, but I believe that when you are close to somebody and always with this person, whether he influence you or you influence him. It's a fact.There will surely be a contact, an exchange of behavior, of expressions, most of the time unconsciously. So when I see clearly that I cannot bring you what I think positive, I prefer to keep the distance.

THE FIRST HUSBAND OF A WOMAN

The first husband of a woman is work! How many of us have not heard this beautiful sentence which aims to encourage girls to use their brains and not something else to be successful in life?

Men do not want the "be-nice-and-shut up"  type (it is yet to be confirmed!).

This is what our dear parents stubbornly support! Men love women who have brains: independent women who do not have to wait for them to buy a simple seasoning cube.

Work work and just after the reward!

Ladies, the reward in fact, the famous gift that they are dangling before our nose is a satisfied husband, happy to have a woman with whom he won't have to talk only about clothes and soap operas.

But the fact is that everything is not so rosy! The fact of concentrating on your studies is not sufficient to have the best husband on the earth! Worse, the girl who made her work her first husband often finds herself with "work" as her only husband!

Why? Men are afraid of not being able to be the supreme chiefs in their homes if their wives are too smart! Or simply they do not even try to seduce the intellectuals, poor worms refusing to fall in love with a star (for those who do not see the joke, read Victor Hugo's Ruy Blas!).

So dear smart ladies? Should we throw our books and our careers over our shoulders because they can not give us access to one of the highest steps of the ladder of women self-esteem?

No! Of course not! Understand that men will never be satisfied (like women at a lower level! Except that in our case it is called caprices lol)! Be light ski, he will want you to be dark. Be beautiful he will cheat on you  with some ugly girl, be intellectual, you will be surprised to learn that his second wife was freshly shipped from the village free of charges and cannot even write her name !

So where is that all grammar leading us to?

Let us just enjoy our lives! Simply!

Let us study because it is a way to achieve yourself, not to have a good husband! Let us be beautiful because our reflect in our mirror helps us so much to be confident!  Let's try to reach the top because we have the skills to do it! (And as said L'Oreal, we worth it).

And let us pray, pray especially with all our forces that when the time will come for God to give us  a husband, he will be the exception that proves the rule! For the husband honest, faithful, caring, gentle does exist! But is this really the man with whom we want to spend all our lives?

This will be the subject of another debate!

Stay Blessed!

IS GOD UNFAIR?

We‘ve all more or less, already asked ourselves the question: Why the others and not me?
You know Paul! This guy was your schoolmate. Always absent, even when he was in class, his mind flying mostly above the trees in the playground during the lessons.  This classmate graduated in Cheating, you've seen him in a new car, just yesterday. And Paul gave you his business card proudly, while you, who had the palm of punctuality and attendance right back in school, are still looking for a job. You only have your muscular legs for means of locomotion.

Remember also Pelagie. The girl who thought only to party! She was a real dunce and relied on her beauty to gain qualifications, beauty that by the way, you do not find so extraordinary.This girl of evil life, you met her last week. She’s just got married to a rich Russian Business man with an unpronounceable name, when you experience the horrors of celibacy. You turn like a whirligig each long and cold night in your oversize bed, in your frozen sheets, pressing to stifle the poor teddy bear that had the misfortune to be your birthday gift several years ago.

And you have certainly not forgotten Christian, your corrupted colleague, never at his post. Ah, the joys of being a civil servant. This Christian, requiring bribes to do the job for which he is paid for, when he is haphazardly in his office, has just been promoted. While you, honest, full of integrity, hardworking, straighter than justice, you are stagnating like stagnant water, to the position that you’re occupying for more than ten years now.

So is God unfair? Why does it happen only to others? Why you? Why does it happen only to you? Why not you?

To bemoan your fate, the interrogative phrases abound. Have you ever wondered why this happened to you when you wake up each morning while many people passed from life to death under cover of the night? What have you done to deserve this fate! Being in good health when some people are dying of incurable disease! What a sad fate for you! Why did you even have a voice to complain and feel sorry for your fate, eyes to see the success of others when so many people are dumb, blind, deaf?

Yes why?

When good things happens to us, we find God so fair, so kind, so great ! Next time, before you complain, think of the earthquake victims in Haiti, consider the people of Darfur, Iraq, Afghanistan, think about the victims of wars, terrorist attaks ...or violence in your own country!

But above all think, think that for many people around you, Paul, Pelagie and Christian: It is you !!!!!!

IS THIS A GOOD REASON ?

A few years ago, a woman was walking innocently into the animated streets of Adjame’s market (in Abidjan), under a shining sun, when she suddenly received a very hot slap. She was stunned. Her bag was then snatched by a husky guy with bulging muscles who had already started to search frantically inside it shouting: "It is because of the mobile phone I bought to you that you are misbehaving like this!" 

The woman tried to fight with the man to retrieve her bag but he continued to hit her again and again. To intrigued passers-by who were making an attempt to stop him or get more information from him, the man explained that the woman was his wife. She had left the matrimonial home for days, leaving him and the children hopeless and without any news, to go running after men all over town with the mobile phone that he himself had bought for her. 

This statement was sufficient enough for people to go away and mind their own business, some of them even saying that it was a good lesson for the lady. “

"Abidjan’s women are too wicked! They need more of this treatment!” 

“Can you imagine? Leaving your husband and children like this! "

The poor Lady tried to explain that she was not in any way related to this guy, that she did not know him. But, all her efforts were vain, nobody made a move. She was beaten and robbed by this thief. 

A few days ago, a cab dropped a friend in a street near the “city of arts”. It was around 20 o’clock. She was going back home as she is leaving near the University Hospital of Cocody. A very well-built man, with athletic shoulders and a well-developed chest, popped out of some hidden places and violently struck down a large piece of wood on her head. Shocked, the young woman was thrown like a common bag of rice on his powerful shoulders. To passers-by who asked why such a demonstration of violence he explained that she was his girlfriend. 

Bleeding from the head, on the verge of fainting, it was impossible for the young woman to speak. And the words of the gangster were enough to make the curious go away. He took her to a dimly lit alley, with certainly the intention to rape her, because he began to tear her clothes apart wildly. It was so close for the worst to happen, when a group of young men came near them. The guy ran away with the girl’s bag. She is in the hospital, traumatized, bruised, head half-shaved, sutured. 

So, I am wondering know if my vision of the relationship between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, is not wrong! Does the fact to say "yes" to a guy either before the Mayor or during a walk after a good plate of fufu, gives him the right to beat you like a mad man everywhere ? Is it a good reason?

Anyway, the attitude of those passers-by showed it very well. Just because you are the girlfriend of X or the legal wife of Y, he can make you his punching-ball and hit you over and over again with the first cudgel which falls into his hands! This link which is sometimes only verbal, leading to an union that one of my law professors called "free-union", gives to the male the power of life and death over the one who had the misfortune to succumb to a smile, a look, a gesture ... a lie. 

See now how because of this wrong, distorted, malformed view people have on the male/female relationship, a view we don’t even know the origin, women are victims of abuse before the very eyes of everyone. They are an easy target for the libido or the madness of any guy a little bit zealous or insane. 

I really hope that in both cases, it is not the foolish excuses of the aggressors that pushed people not to intervene, but rather their impressive shape and big muscles. It is true that if you are not strong enough, you cannot go there to play the hero and be beaten also with the victim. But you can and you must ring the alarm, alert people, try to gather a little group of person (it can intimidate the assailant) or search for someone who is physically stronger, to help the poor lady. Some people are saying: “sometimes when you want to help a lady fighting with her husband, she humiliates you! She asks you to mind your own business. " 

Please don’t consider this. Humiliation does not kill. Blows, wounds, broken bones, can! Maybe it is not her husband. Maybe you will just save a life! May God help us all! 

Stay Blessed!